Bida

Yesterday was my birthday. It made me pause for a moment… am I getting old? And what does “old” even mean?

I think I'm lost.

There are days when I feel like I have no real thoughts. Not the deep, meaningful kind. Just worries, layered on top of each other.

The way I see myself now is this: I bottle things up .

I’ve been writing a lot lately. Not because I have everything figured out, but because I think this is the only way I can actually hear myself clearly. And the more I write, the more I start to notice something...

I went to my sister’s house today. It’s something I usually do on weekends.

I think I’m in a place where I feel like I’ve fallen into a hole in the sand .

If I had to describe my life right now in one word, it would be: Uncertain.

All this was a sequence of life events. I think?

I believe I started to get into the root of it all by writing everything according to timeline and why it makes sense at the end of the day.

Let's continue before my memory disappears again. I was 20 when my father passed away.

I’ve been sitting with my thoughts, trying to sort through the emotional baggage I carry. I’m not even sure what to call it. Is it grief ? Or maybe something else? What I do know is that I need to let it out.

It’s been a while. I’ll just put my emotional baggage here for now. I’ve been a bit occupied lately, hence the silence. Emotional baggage dump: I’m someone who learned how to survive by being capable .

Have you ever had a day, a week, or maybe even months or years where you feel drained, yet somehow still manage to function?

It’s officially been one year since I joined my current company. 

I woke up today to the sad news that good people have passed away. Death… it will not be sad.

When I started writing again, I wanted to piece together whatever memories remained. But can I really do that?

So, my “tomorrow” turned into two weeks later. Life has been a little occupied with work and everything else. Should I continue where I left off? How do I even begin?

I was supposed to update this yesterday after work, but I ended up spending time with my cats. So… here we go.

I didn’t plan for “tomorrow” to be almost a year later, lol.